Hey Dad
by Spike868
Summary: Liam only ever wanted to be approved of by his father. Angelus killed his father, and now Angel writes a letter.
1. Chapter 1

Hey Dad

Summary: All Liam ever wanted was to be approved of by his father. As Angelus, he killed his father and was never able to be told he was accepted. Now, Angel regrets that he killed his father and writes a letter.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: In response to a review I received, I decided to change each chapter so that there is more of Angel talking rather than just song lyrics. Hope you like the changes. **

Hey dad, 

_I'm writing to you_

_Not to tell you that I still hate you_

_Just to ask you how you feel_

_And how we fell apart_

_How this fell apart_

Dad, I was never good enough for you, was I? Have I made something of myself yet? Have I proven to you that I am more than you think I am? Tell me dad, was it hard to see that I've changed? Was it too much for you, and did you actually believe it when you saw it? Dad, tell me honestly if you are proud of me now. 

_I remember those days you were a hero in my eyes_

_But those are just a long lost memory of mine_

_I spent so many years learning how to survive_

Now I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive 

_The days I spent so cold so hungry_

_Were full of hate, I was so angry_

_The scars run deep inside this tattooed body_

_There's things I'll take to my grave_

_But I'm okay, I'm okay_

_And sometimes I forgive_

_Yeah this time I'll admit_

_That I miss you_

_Said I miss you_

_... Hey dad_

Angel

Author's Note: Some of you Good Charlotte fans might recognise this oldie' but goodie' Emotionless from the Album the Young and the Hopeless. I was just going through my CD collection and I was listening to this song and thinking about Angel. I had a strange idea that it could be kind of about Angel talking to his father so I decided to make something of it. Tell me what you think. I've got another idea for a letter too, if you like.

© the Young and the Hopeless, 2002 Sony Entertainment – just to be sure, cos of the lyrics copyright.

Ez.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey Dad

Summary: All Liam ever wanted was to be approved of by his father. As Angelus, he killed his father and was never able to be told he was accepted. Now, Angel regrets that he killed his father and writes a letter.

_Hey dad, _

_So this is it, this is my life_

_This is my time it's ending tonight_

_I've made my mistakes and tried to live right_

_Stepped out of the darkness, into the light_

_I've tried to be everything you wanted me to be dad, and I don't know if I can keep it up. It's so hard to be this perfect son that you wanted; somebody who abided by the law and was something to be proud of. In my job, I don't get the luxury of abiding by the law; I'm constantly fighting things that you couldn't even comprehend. I want to be the son that you wanted, I really do. It's just so hard to be like that…_

_It's alright, this is the night life leaves me again_

_With open arms_

_This is the way _

_I will meet my maker tonight_

_Soon will come the end, and I can see you again. I want you to see me now, and tell me if you're proud yet. Tell me if you're happy to say that I'm your son. Tell me that you love me and that you forgive me for what I did to you. I want to know that you'll accept me for who I am; as somebody who has tried to be everything you want him to be. I tried dad, did I succeed?_

_And when I'm gone will they remember?_

_Will they mourn? Will they move on?_

_When my sad soul, the loneliest son_

_His time has come his life is done_

_And on my grave, what will it say?_

"Here lies another soul that was saved"

_So please don't cry, you sleep at night_

_And I will wait for you on the other side_

_Dad, I'm sorry for everything. Soon it all ends. I'm sorry, and I want you to know that. Please forgive me for what I did to you, accept me like I've always wanted you to. Please dad, I'm asking you this one time. Just say you're proud of me. I've tried so hard for so long to be the kind of son you wanted. I have desperately tried to fix everything I did wrong, but I can't. I'm sorry. _

_Lost and broken_

_Hopeless and lonely_

_I'm smiling on the outside_

_I'm hurt beneath my skin_

_My eyes are fading_

_My soul is bleeding_

_I try to make it seem okay_

_But my faith is wearing thin_

_So help me heal these wounds_

_They've been open for way too long_

_Help me fill this hole_

_Even though this is not your fault_

_Tell me how you feel now dad, tell me and say it with all your heart. Tell me exactly how you feel._

_And now my mind is an open book_

_And now my heart is an open wound_

_And now my life is an open soul for all to see_

_Please dad, God I'm sorry for everything. I was never the kind of son you wanted, I know that now. I have a son, and I understand what being a father is like. Please, dad, forgive me. I am asking you for forgiveness for everything I never was for you. Dad, I love you._

_Angel_

Author's Note: Another Good Charlotte song for you fans out there. The songs from '_the Young and the Hopeless_' and '_THE CHRONICLES OF LIFE AND DEATH_' just seemed so appropriate to Angel's situation with his father. I decided to play on some of those ideas and develop something kinda sweet out of those songs. For the next chapter, maybe I'll actually write something myself instead of copying the text. BTW, the song is '_Meet My Maker_' from the album '_THE CHRONICLES OF LIFE AND DEATH_'. Enjoy, keep reading and please feel free to review.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey Dad

Summary: All Liam ever wanted was to be approved of by his father. As Angelus, he killed his father and was never able to be told he was accepted. Now, Angel regrets that he killed his father and writes a letter. (And some)

_Hey dad,_

_This time things are going to be different. When I see you next, I hope you can forgive me. I am sorry for everything dad; everything I never apologised for._

_I'm sorry that I was such a failure to you, such a disappointment. I regret that I never made you proud of me, proud to say that I was your son._

_The day I died, what did you do? Were you sorry? Did you miss me? To tell you the truth dad, I never even thought of you. I rose the night of my funeral, out of my grave. I became a vampire that night dad, and the first thing I did was come to kill you._

_Do you know why? It was because you never had any faith in me to do well. You always said that I'd never amount to anything, and because of that I aimed to be nothing more. I did everything that a nobody does; drink, whore about and be a general waste of space. And yet, you still weren't pleased._

_What does it take dad? What will it take for you to just be proud of me, for only once? Do I have to die for you to understand how this makes me feel? Must I come and tell you myself? _

_Dad, by Christ's name I swear that all I ever tried to do was what you wanted, what you told me to do. And I couldn't please you; make you happy and proud of me. I hate that I was never good enough for you. _

_And mum and Kathy had to pay the price because of what you did to me. If you had only been proud of me once and said that I was good, then I never would have become a vampire in the first place. I never would have killed Kathy, mum and then you. I never would have had to do any of the things I've done for the past 200 years, because I would have been a better person. I'd be dead right now, lying in my grave in a cemetery somewhere in Galway. Maybe my grave then would still be my grave now._

_But dad, I don't hold a grudge against you anymore. My soul has now made me a better person than you ever could have, and because of that I am much better off. I have people around me who love me and want to help me help the world. That's my crusade now dad, and I hate that you're not a part of it. _

_Maybe one day we'll meet again, but don't expect to see me in Heaven. That's one place I won't be going. As much as I try, I won't ever get there. None of this is worth it; it's just helping the people that need it the most. _

_But dad, I'll say it again; I don't hold this against you. I think that it is your fault I'm like this, but I can't bring myself to say it to you. I'm wary of the fact that by saying that to you I will hurt you, and I don't want to do that._

_See, I am different now. Please, I beg of you, just say to me once that you are proud. Just once, is all I am asking. Again dad I say to you that I am sorry. Forgive me father, for I have sinned. _

Angel 

Author's Note: That's probably going to be the last chapter, unless people want more of the "please dad I'm sorry can you forgive me" thing that is _so_ damn easy to write. Lol. Well, hope you've enjoyed. Please review and tell me if you want more. :)


	4. Chapter 4

Hey Dad

Summary: All Liam ever wanted was to be approved of by his father. As Angelus, he killed his father and was never able to be told he was accepted. Now, Angel regrets that he killed his father and writes a letter. (And some)

_Hey dad,_

_I've been fighting the good fight all these years, and all of it was to make you see that I am a changed man. With all these people around me, supporting me and fighting for the same cause without question, I hope that it shows you that I'm different now. I'm not like I used to be._

_They say that a hero could save us_

_I'm not gonna stand here and wait_

_I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles_

_And watch as we all fly away_

_Despite all this time of trying to be everything you want me to be, I still don't think I've reached that point in my life. I want you to say that you're proud, but I doubt that you will because I don't feel that I have changed enough for you to see it._

_Someone told me love would all save us_

_But how can that be, look what love gave us_

_A world full of killing and blood spilling_

_That world never came_

_I've lost people dad, people close to me. I've lost them and it hurts. It hurts so much, because they meant the world to me. I would have done anything I could to save them, and I tried to do just that. Cordelia, I loved with all my heart; but I couldn't save her. Fred was the pretty young girl I saved from a Hell dimension; I couldn't save her either. They'll both be with you now, in Heaven, where they belong. They fought for what was right and just the whole time that they were here with me. Bless their souls, take care of them for me. I couldn't be the hero they wanted, their knight in shining armour. I couldn't be the big strong man who came in and swept them off their feet and hoisted them up to safety. I couldn't be that man, I'm no hero. _

_Now that the world isn't ending_

It's love that I'm sending to you 

_It isn't the love of a hero_

_And that's why I fear it won't do_

Dad, I'll be seeing you soon. It won't be long before the end comes, I know, I planned it. I only hope that when I see you, you can tell me that you love me and that you're finally proud. Please, tell me what I want to hear.

_Angel_

Author's Note: I just had an urge to write some more for this, when I heard some songs that just really fit into the situation with Angel. This one is _Hero_ by Chad Kroeger, lead singer of Nickelback. There's one more to come, and after that the song pool of sadness has pretty much dried up. If you've got any suggestions, please feel free to send me a message.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey Dad

Summary: All Liam ever wanted was to be approved of by his father. As Angelus, he killed his father and was never able to be told he was accepted. Now, Angel regrets that he killed his father and writes a letter. (And some)

_Hey dad,_

_When I think about my life_

_I wonder if I will survive_

_To live to see 255_

_Or will I just fall_

_Like all my friends they just keep dying_

_People round me always crying_

_In this place that I like to _

_Call my home_

_But not everybody knows that _

_Everybody goes to a better place_

_And not everybody knows that_

_Everybody could be living their life there_

_I've been through so much dad, and so much has happened to the people around me. Cordelia and Fred died first, and it changed the two people left who mean the most to me. Wesley is so dark and reserved now, and Gunn is just so distant. He hates the fact that he thinks Fred's death was his fault. And Illyria, the newest player, she's so unpredictable. But she's also attached to Wesley, just like Fred was. Spike, is still the same jackass he always was, but now it's in a good way. He's fighting with us too. And Lorne, he's been such a great guy to have around. He's always one to lend an ear. But through all this, I strayed from my calling in life; what I'm meant to be doing. Cordelia woke from her coma for just a day to set me back on track. The doctors said she never woke, but I know she did. Honestly dad, she set me on a path to destruction. All my friends think that I've crossed over, that I'm playing for the other team now. But the truth is, I've been setting up the biggest showdown in history for us. I'm positive that we're all going to die, and Wolfram and Hart is corrupting us all. I'm getting us out before that happens. The world is crashing down around us, the world of Wolfram and Hart. And we're getting buried alive. I can't live like this any more, so I'm making a stand. The Senior Partners won't know what hit them. _

_Life hope truth trust_

_Faith pride love lust_

_Pain hate lies guilt_

_Laugh cry live die_

_Make the best with what you're given _

_This ain't dying this is living_

_Dad, I'm coming to see you now. This is it; the final time I'll write to you before I see you again. I hope that when we meet, you can see that I am a changed man. I have done things in my life that aren't to be proud of, but I've turned all that around and I've made something of myself. Surely you'd be proud of me for doing that, wouldn't you dad? You said that I'd never be anything, but I am dad. I am something, and I am someone. I've got myself to a place that I think is sufficient to end it all, everything I've done up until now. I'm going to die dad, and I'm not afraid. I know that when I die I will see you again, and that somehow everything will be alright again. I'll be leaving behind my beloved Buffy, and Faith and all the others. But most of all, I'll be leaving behind my son. I understand fatherhood now dad, I understand how frustrating it is. Especially because I didn't have control over my son's upbringing and because of it he turned out to be a monster. But that's all changed; everything has changed. _

When I die, I want to tell you everything that's happened, everything that made me do what I'm about to. I want you to know everything that has happened in my life, as if you were there. I want you to be here dad, I miss you. I love you.

Author's Note: With Liam's father probably being in Heaven (because he was a priest/father type figure) we'll just assume that Angel can go to Heaven after his lengthy period of atonement and the two will meet up. If you haven't figured it out already, Angel in the past two letters is talking about what happened in NFA, and everything that he set up. He desperately wants his father to be proud of him, and wants to see him. Maybe this will make his father proud, finally making something of himself. I think he has.


End file.
